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"I'll tell you what real love is. It is blind devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation, utter submission, trust and belief against yourself and against the whole world, giving up your whole heart and soul to the smiter..."
- Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

I've been doing a lot of thinking about relationships and the way we dance around people on the pads of our feet, treading lightly, too afraid to shatter the glass pane connecting us together. I'm tired of stepping carefully and only after testing my ground numerous times. I'm tired of the superficiality between people, how easily lies come to our mouths and are expelled with nary a blink of the eye. I miss being anonymous online, I miss being looked over easily by people. I don't like feeling as though I owe people time.

How often do we tell another person we love them only because it's expected of us to say so, and not because we truly mean it? How often do we talk to another person only because we're supposed to keep up appearances and not because we truly feel a connection with them and want to actually get to know them better? I want to remove all traces of myself from the online world and start anew. I want to forget people and remember myself. There's this feeling that I'm so torn apart into many small pieces and everyone else is holding some part of me, till I am nothing and no one.

We used to communicate with other people only because we wanted to, now we do it because we're expected to and the conversations are filled with unspoken truths and lies said aloud. It's really tiring to have to put on a fake front everyday and be all smiles when all I want to do is to lash out and tell people to get away from me, that I'm a black hole that they'll get sucked into and stuck and nothing good will ever come out of this. There are so very few people who I can stand being around for a long period of time and not get tired of them. I get bored of people easily, I make friends then lose them after awhile and honestly, I don't care at all. I'm tired of handing my heart out on a platter for them to eat and throw up.

Love isn't easy to see, let alone grasp hold of and keep by your side. I was lucky to meet my only one early at this age and even after so long together, I haven't gotten tired yet. I don't really like the way I toy with people only to leave them after awhile, but it's just the way I am. I don't care about hurting others, or rather, I feel bad for a while then move on to the next person to break down. I don't understand why I'm built this way, but I really don't care how much it hurts others anymore. I used to be the broken one. Now I'm the one who breaks others.