( 005 )

On the morning you woke beside me--already thinking of going away--the sun did not fill my window as it does most mornings. Instead there was cloud and threat of snow. How I wish it could always be this way--that on mornings it cannot come itself, the sun might send me you.
-Alice Walker

I feel so taken for granted by the people around me all the time and it makes me feel lonely. I don't understand why; is there something wrong with me? Was I meant to be forgotten? I've been telling you how lonely I've been feeling but you never seem to realise how deep these rivers of pain are. Maybe we've been as one for so long till you've forgotten just how vulnerable I am minus the happy smiles I put on in front of you. I can't help it, I just feel so alone and forgotten even by the people I love.

These days, I'm the one reaching out to take hold of your hand. I'm the one who pulls you to me when I want to be held. I'm the one doing all the chasing and I can't go on like this for much longer. It's so exhausting to be the one holding on and you're just standing there limply while I reach out for you. What's wrong? Busy as you are, are you too busy to even give me a smile and hold me? I feel so dull inside. My heart aches so bad with yearning for the person who used to spend hours with me, tickling me and making me laugh. I keep telling myself that you're just busy and you need time to sort things out, but how long more can that excuse last? You'll always be busy. I'll always be the last person on your mind, the last person you call out or tell things to. No matter how often I tell you this, you don't bother to take it to heart. You say that I'm the most important, but why don't I feel it?

My heart is aching with loneliness and you don't realise it as I stand back and let you do whatever you want. After all, in the end, I am just a forgotten bystander.